Totally Losing It

We all take on too much in our lives sometimes. I’m pretty good about managing my work schedules but when it comes to my person time? Not so much. I always underestimate the amount of time I’ll need to do something - the most notable lately being posting on my blogs.

I love sharing my thoughts and reading those of others, sharing ideas and sometimes commiserating with each other. I also like to share interesting things about myself and products and services that I find. Sometimes, though, I just don’t have the energy to keep everything going all the time and it’s my blogging that usually suffers for it.

I’ve been feeling creative lately so I’m taking time for myself to try new crafts. I have several projects started and a couple more that I want to expand on that are taking up the bulk of my personal time. So, I probably won’t be here much. I’m sorry. I just really feel like the outlet that I was hoping to find here has manifested in a completely different way.

I won’t be abandoning Totally Losing It because I really do feel like it’s important to journal about my weight loss struggles and triumphs. It’s just not going to be my main focus.

I wish you all luck and I’ll be seeing you around!

…it really slips by! This week has flown by like a roller coaster!! I completely forgot to check in over at the HYC. What?!

My sister and her husband left on Monday morning to MOVE to Houston. I worried about them the whole day. Work has been kind of slow, but when it gets like that my boss gets crazy and starts making stuff up for us to do. Just chaotic around there. That on top of all the work from my second job.

And to top things off, remember me talking about taking photos of a friend who’s getting married? I forgot that tomorrow is their rehearsal dinner - which I’m photographing! The wedding is on Sunday so I think I just had it in my head that the rehearsal was going to be on Saturday. I think my batteries are all charged but I need to check tonight. I also need to lay some clothes out to wear. At least I have that one pair of black pants and one nice top!

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As far as my dieting goes, I haven’t’ been as “on it” as I should have been. I did weigh myself on Monday morning and I was at 228. Down .5 from last weigh-in. I’ll take that. Saturday I’m going to get back on that treadmill and start paying attention to my food again! Saturday!

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Good luck to all of you - I hope you’ve been doing well and staying positive. Keep it up!!

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I had said that I was going to post a photo of that friend who’s getting married… here’s one in front of an old, abandoned gas station:

While I’m so excited, I also kind of feel sad because the only reason she and my BIL are visiting is because they’re on their way to Texas - on their way to moving to Texas. She’s so excited about the house that she and K just bought, even with all the problems it’s come with. But I’ll see her even less than I do now. So, I’m excited for her, sad for me.

Now for the reason I’m posting… which, now that I think about it, is a pretty shallow concern of mine! But let’s go with it with the understanding that I love my sister much more than I dread being seen in public.

Ok, so R calls and says that they want to go Downtown on Saturday. She and K want me to go with them. Now I’m not sure if they’re talking about Downtown during the day or Downtown at night. Either way, this is causing me minor panic attacks. (Not really, but I’m feeling more and more insecure the more I think about it.) And the really pathetic part is that all of my concerns have to do with clothing and “what the hell am I going to wear?!?”.

I’ve noticed that the only time I feel actual stress about how I look and what I wear is when R is around. I feel like a potato when I’m around her, all dull and lumpy with bad skin. (HA! That comparison makes me want to laugh really hard and then cry a little!) I’m sure I haven’t always felt this way, but I can’t remember when that was.

She’s so beautiful - beautiful face, tall, and although she’s put some weight on recently she carries hers differently than I do my extra poundage. She has gorgeous hair and eyes and everything she wears looks fantastic on her!

So I don’t know what to wear when I go out with her on Saturday and I can’t believe I’m this worried about it! Except that I really don’t have very many nice clothes anymore. I wear jeans and t-shirts to work everyday. I have one pair of black pants that I wear when I need to dress up. I normally wear a black cami and a deep pink blouse over that (I love layers!). I refuse to wear sleeveless because the backs of my arms are all blotchy. So that’s it. That’s what I feel comfortable in.

The problem is this - if we go out during the day it’s already too hot to wear that outfit and if we go out at night, well, it’s a little too “mature” looking. Downtown is a college town. People wearing hardly anything at all is pretty normal, day and night.

I looked on Lane Bryant’s website but nothing I get from there ever really fits right. I like the jeans but that’s about it. Tops are so hard for me to find.

Ugh. I just read all that above and I really sound ridiculous. Maybe I’m just focusing on this issue so I don’t dwell on the fact that R will be what’s essentially the equivalent of half a US of A away!

Ok, so let’s just call this a venting and I’ll try to get over myself!

I promise! Oh, I’m still on track with my diet plan. It’s my weigh-in and everyday schedule that’s throwing me right now. I know the weigh-in for HYC is on Tuesdays but I’m keeping track of my weight for 2 other things and they’re all on different days! I decided to make it easier on myself (i.e. my sanity) and so I’m only going to keep track of my weight on Fridays. I think that’s a good day. If I lose it might help keep me motivated on weekends, which tends to be my most challenging time.

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I’m still working on my new design for the site here. It’s slow going as I don’t seem to have much free time. Between my day job and my part-time-job-turning-a-second-full-time-job and needing to fit in a little exercise and a little sleep? I’m exhausted!

I’ll get there. I’m using this as an exercise to teach myself a little patience.

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I also just wanted to tell you all that I really appreciate the comments you’ve left and especially the inspiration I get when I read all of your blog posts. This is a hard journey we’re on and having a support system nearby makes it seem a little less scary. So in honor of that, and in honor of all you moms out there, I put together a little bookmark you can download and print out for yourselves. I found the message in a recent Woman’s World magazine and found that I was able to apply it to so many people in my life. Enjoy it and share it!

Or at least, a busy Saturday! I was up early to go with a friend and her sister for a “photo shoot”. What a great time! Really, I don’t think I’ve had so much fun in a a while! Once I get some of the photos edited I’ll post a couple of them - probably not until next weekend though.

After the shoot I went home, ate a little bit for lunch and then went to the movies with my mom and a friend to see Made of Honor. We went straight home after the movie and I hopped in the shower to get ready for a bachelorette party! It was kind of a laid back, just hangin’ out party so I didn’t have to worry too much about being late… although I was late and I really hate to be late.

I was supposed to go to a rose festival today but I just couldn’t muster up the energy. It’s in the town that I work in (about an hour away) and it just would have eaten up my whole day. I had so much I needed to get done here at home - the price I had to pay for playing on Saturday!

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A really quick note about the movie - it’s cute, it kind of follows along with the the prescribed romantic comedy guidelines, it’s got Patrick Dempsey… So all in all, I liked it. I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive but the stereotypes it emphasized (and in some ways over-exaggerated) bothered me! From the overweight bridesmaid determined to fit into a smaller dress to the gorgeous bridesmaid that tries sleeping with the men in the bridal party. Granted, neither of these characters took up the majority of the movie but it still bugged me.

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On a more weighty issue…

I’ve still been looking up motivation tips and inspirational sayings, etc. I don’t know if they help you but I find a beautifully written encouraging paragraph to be so motivating! I have several things that I want to share with all of you. I’m going to wait though - probably until Tuesday. I don’t want them to get lost amidst a bunch of my ramblings!

I do have a link to share though. I bought a magazine last week that I hadn’t read before - Body+Soul Magazine. It’s a Martha Stewart publication and it has some very interesting articles. Two of my favorites from the current issue are A Beginner’s Guide to Organic Gardening and a Q&A from readers to the magazine by answered by two veterinarians. Essentially, get your pet’s teeth cleaned.

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I hope you all have a great Monday! I’ll see you at weigh-in on Tuesday!

… and then a bag of strawberry milk-flavored Oreos suddenly appears right in front of you and you’ve blown the whole darn day. Well, the Oreos and the Little Caesar’s pizza you picked up on the way home from work because you didn’t feel like cooking.

Did I just describe your day? No? Oh, right. I just described MY DAY! What was I thinking?! Scratch that… obviously I wasn’t.

I feel lousy right now. Not just emotionally. Physically too. My stomach is bloated and I feel really gassy. Is this TMI?

I think I’ll go read a few of your blogs to uplift my spirits and then sleep this off. Tomorrow is a new day!

Just wanted too check-in quickly. Things are going well food wise. I haven’t exercised after Monday’s walk so I definitely need to work on that. I’m thinking about finding a decent refurbished treadmill this weekend too. Such a big purchase makes me nervous since I’m also trying to get my finances in order (by the way, I check my credit score yesterday and it’s gone up like 200 points since this time last year!). I did just get that tax refund that everyone’s getting - maybe I should just use it to help out the economy. :} I’ll let you know if I actually do a treadmill hunt.

I want to go pick strawberries tomorrow morning. I go every year, at least 3 or 4 times before the season ends. I’m so afraid that I’m going to miss them this year. Signs have already been posted for about 3 weeks. Better get a move on!

I love The Biggest Loser. And I love the trainers! They’re both eye candy and I can’t get over how much they actually seem to care about the people they work with. I bought both of Jillian Michael’s books as soon as they came out and I’ve been waiting for Bob’s!!!

I started reading it as soon as I got home from the bookstore last night. I might have kept reading until I was finished with the book if it hadn’t been for the work I needed to get done.

I can tell right now though that the first part of the book is going to be tough to get through. It’s all about finding out who we are and owning up to the issues that we have with ourselves. I know what my issues are.) Hopefully I know what they all are and I don’t have something lurking in the background just waiting to jump out at me!) Honestly, I don’t know how to deal with the issues that I have with myself. I’m not ready to share them just yet either. Maybe when I can I’ll be better prepared to deal.

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I was trying to get a meal plan together this morning so I can get my grocery shopping taken care of. I love the online tools at Jillian’s site and at SparkPeople that help to put together eating plans for the week. and how great is it that you can print out the recipes and even a shopping list? I just wish I could have a database of my own recipes that I could use like that. Does anyone know of a program like that? I’m willing to shell out some money for a good program so it doesn’t need to be freeware - I’d just like some recommendations to start with.

To get ready for tomorrow (my official start day!) I’m also going to download a few new songs from iTunes tonight and get my iPod ready. I love Madonna’s new “4 Minutes” so I know I’ll get that. I’ll have to look around and see what else I can find that’s upbeat and kind of fast. I’ll let you know what I pick out.

In the meantime, go read a book! Get Bob’s!!

Unfortunately I don’t have anything very profound to say in my first post here. Or I could say fortunately… that way no one expects great things from me in the future. Keep the expectations low and you won’t be disappointed is what I always say.

Really though, I’m here to chronicle my weight loss; keep myself accountable and all that. My hope is that I’ll have something to say that’s interesting or maybe something that resonates with others struggling with weight and body issues.

My first goal here is to get a few pictures posted alongside my measurements and weight - definitely by the end of the weekend. Maybe I’ll be able to find a sidebar widget that I can use to track my progress… I’ll look around and see what I can come up with.

Until then…