While I’m so excited, I also kind of feel sad because the only reason she and my BIL are visiting is because they’re on their way to Texas - on their way to moving to Texas. She’s so excited about the house that she and K just bought, even with all the problems it’s come with. But I’ll see her even less than I do now. So, I’m excited for her, sad for me. :(

Now for the reason I’m posting… which, now that I think about it, is a pretty shallow concern of mine! But let’s go with it with the understanding that I love my sister much more than I dread being seen in public. :)

Ok, so R calls and says that they want to go Downtown on Saturday. She and K want me to go with them. Now I’m not sure if they’re talking about Downtown during the day or Downtown at night. Either way, this is causing me minor panic attacks. (Not really, but I’m feeling more and more insecure the more I think about it.) And the really pathetic part is that all of my concerns have to do with clothing and “what the hell am I going to wear?!?”.

I’ve noticed that the only time I feel actual stress about how I look and what I wear is when R is around. I feel like a potato when I’m around her, all dull and lumpy with bad skin. (HA! That comparison makes me want to laugh really hard and then cry a little!) I’m sure I haven’t always felt this way, but I can’t remember when that was.

She’s so beautiful - beautiful face, tall, and although she’s put some weight on recently she carries hers differently than I do my extra poundage. She has gorgeous hair and eyes and everything she wears looks fantastic on her!

So I don’t know what to wear when I go out with her on Saturday and I can’t believe I’m this worried about it! Except that I really don’t have very many nice clothes anymore. I wear jeans and t-shirts to work everyday. I have one pair of black pants that I wear when I need to dress up. I normally wear a black cami and a deep pink blouse over that (I love layers!). I refuse to wear sleeveless because the backs of my arms are all blotchy. So that’s it. That’s what I feel comfortable in.

The problem is this - if we go out during the day it’s already too hot to wear that outfit and if we go out at night, well, it’s a little too “mature” looking. Downtown is a college town. People wearing hardly anything at all is pretty normal, day and night.

I looked on Lane Bryant’s website but nothing I get from there ever really fits right. I like the jeans but that’s about it. Tops are so hard for me to find.

Ugh. I just read all that above and I really sound ridiculous. Maybe I’m just focusing on this issue so I don’t dwell on the fact that R will be what’s essentially the equivalent of half a US of A away!

Ok, so let’s just call this a venting and I’ll try to get over myself!