Totally Losing It

We all take on too much in our lives sometimes. I’m pretty good about managing my work schedules but when it comes to my person time? Not so much. I always underestimate the amount of time I’ll need to do something - the most notable lately being posting on my blogs.

I love sharing my thoughts and reading those of others, sharing ideas and sometimes commiserating with each other. I also like to share interesting things about myself and products and services that I find. Sometimes, though, I just don’t have the energy to keep everything going all the time and it’s my blogging that usually suffers for it.

I’ve been feeling creative lately so I’m taking time for myself to try new crafts. I have several projects started and a couple more that I want to expand on that are taking up the bulk of my personal time. So, I probably won’t be here much. I’m sorry. I just really feel like the outlet that I was hoping to find here has manifested in a completely different way.

I won’t be abandoning Totally Losing It because I really do feel like it’s important to journal about my weight loss struggles and triumphs. It’s just not going to be my main focus.

I wish you all luck and I’ll be seeing you around!

I’ve decided I need to change the blog design. Since I’m still trying to figure out this Wordpress stuff… well, let’s just say I’m NOT figuring it all out! At least not quickly enough for me!

In the meantime, please disregard the mess and know that I’ll be working on everything for the next few days. Thanks!

…it really slips by! This week has flown by like a roller coaster!! I completely forgot to check in over at the HYC. What?!

My sister and her husband left on Monday morning to MOVE to Houston. I worried about them the whole day. Work has been kind of slow, but when it gets like that my boss gets crazy and starts making stuff up for us to do. Just chaotic around there. That on top of all the work from my second job.

And to top things off, remember me talking about taking photos of a friend who’s getting married? I forgot that tomorrow is their rehearsal dinner - which I’m photographing! The wedding is on Sunday so I think I just had it in my head that the rehearsal was going to be on Saturday. I think my batteries are all charged but I need to check tonight. I also need to lay some clothes out to wear. At least I have that one pair of black pants and one nice top!

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As far as my dieting goes, I haven’t’ been as “on it” as I should have been. I did weigh myself on Monday morning and I was at 228. Down .5 from last weigh-in. I’ll take that. Saturday I’m going to get back on that treadmill and start paying attention to my food again! Saturday!

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Good luck to all of you - I hope you’ve been doing well and staying positive. Keep it up!!

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I had said that I was going to post a photo of that friend who’s getting married… here’s one in front of an old, abandoned gas station:

While I’m so excited, I also kind of feel sad because the only reason she and my BIL are visiting is because they’re on their way to Texas - on their way to moving to Texas. She’s so excited about the house that she and K just bought, even with all the problems it’s come with. But I’ll see her even less than I do now. So, I’m excited for her, sad for me.

Now for the reason I’m posting… which, now that I think about it, is a pretty shallow concern of mine! But let’s go with it with the understanding that I love my sister much more than I dread being seen in public.

Ok, so R calls and says that they want to go Downtown on Saturday. She and K want me to go with them. Now I’m not sure if they’re talking about Downtown during the day or Downtown at night. Either way, this is causing me minor panic attacks. (Not really, but I’m feeling more and more insecure the more I think about it.) And the really pathetic part is that all of my concerns have to do with clothing and “what the hell am I going to wear?!?”.

I’ve noticed that the only time I feel actual stress about how I look and what I wear is when R is around. I feel like a potato when I’m around her, all dull and lumpy with bad skin. (HA! That comparison makes me want to laugh really hard and then cry a little!) I’m sure I haven’t always felt this way, but I can’t remember when that was.

She’s so beautiful - beautiful face, tall, and although she’s put some weight on recently she carries hers differently than I do my extra poundage. She has gorgeous hair and eyes and everything she wears looks fantastic on her!

So I don’t know what to wear when I go out with her on Saturday and I can’t believe I’m this worried about it! Except that I really don’t have very many nice clothes anymore. I wear jeans and t-shirts to work everyday. I have one pair of black pants that I wear when I need to dress up. I normally wear a black cami and a deep pink blouse over that (I love layers!). I refuse to wear sleeveless because the backs of my arms are all blotchy. So that’s it. That’s what I feel comfortable in.

The problem is this - if we go out during the day it’s already too hot to wear that outfit and if we go out at night, well, it’s a little too “mature” looking. Downtown is a college town. People wearing hardly anything at all is pretty normal, day and night.

I looked on Lane Bryant’s website but nothing I get from there ever really fits right. I like the jeans but that’s about it. Tops are so hard for me to find.

Ugh. I just read all that above and I really sound ridiculous. Maybe I’m just focusing on this issue so I don’t dwell on the fact that R will be what’s essentially the equivalent of half a US of A away!

Ok, so let’s just call this a venting and I’ll try to get over myself!

I promise! Oh, I’m still on track with my diet plan. It’s my weigh-in and everyday schedule that’s throwing me right now. I know the weigh-in for HYC is on Tuesdays but I’m keeping track of my weight for 2 other things and they’re all on different days! I decided to make it easier on myself (i.e. my sanity) and so I’m only going to keep track of my weight on Fridays. I think that’s a good day. If I lose it might help keep me motivated on weekends, which tends to be my most challenging time.

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I’m still working on my new design for the site here. It’s slow going as I don’t seem to have much free time. Between my day job and my part-time-job-turning-a-second-full-time-job and needing to fit in a little exercise and a little sleep? I’m exhausted!

I’ll get there. I’m using this as an exercise to teach myself a little patience.

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I also just wanted to tell you all that I really appreciate the comments you’ve left and especially the inspiration I get when I read all of your blog posts. This is a hard journey we’re on and having a support system nearby makes it seem a little less scary. So in honor of that, and in honor of all you moms out there, I put together a little bookmark you can download and print out for yourselves. I found the message in a recent Woman’s World magazine and found that I was able to apply it to so many people in my life. Enjoy it and share it!

Or at least, a busy Saturday! I was up early to go with a friend and her sister for a “photo shoot”. What a great time! Really, I don’t think I’ve had so much fun in a a while! Once I get some of the photos edited I’ll post a couple of them - probably not until next weekend though.

After the shoot I went home, ate a little bit for lunch and then went to the movies with my mom and a friend to see Made of Honor. We went straight home after the movie and I hopped in the shower to get ready for a bachelorette party! It was kind of a laid back, just hangin’ out party so I didn’t have to worry too much about being late… although I was late and I really hate to be late.

I was supposed to go to a rose festival today but I just couldn’t muster up the energy. It’s in the town that I work in (about an hour away) and it just would have eaten up my whole day. I had so much I needed to get done here at home - the price I had to pay for playing on Saturday!

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A really quick note about the movie - it’s cute, it kind of follows along with the the prescribed romantic comedy guidelines, it’s got Patrick Dempsey… So all in all, I liked it. I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive but the stereotypes it emphasized (and in some ways over-exaggerated) bothered me! From the overweight bridesmaid determined to fit into a smaller dress to the gorgeous bridesmaid that tries sleeping with the men in the bridal party. Granted, neither of these characters took up the majority of the movie but it still bugged me.

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On a more weighty issue…

I’ve still been looking up motivation tips and inspirational sayings, etc. I don’t know if they help you but I find a beautifully written encouraging paragraph to be so motivating! I have several things that I want to share with all of you. I’m going to wait though - probably until Tuesday. I don’t want them to get lost amidst a bunch of my ramblings!

I do have a link to share though. I bought a magazine last week that I hadn’t read before - Body+Soul Magazine. It’s a Martha Stewart publication and it has some very interesting articles. Two of my favorites from the current issue are A Beginner’s Guide to Organic Gardening and a Q&A from readers to the magazine by answered by two veterinarians. Essentially, get your pet’s teeth cleaned.

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I hope you all have a great Monday! I’ll see you at weigh-in on Tuesday!

… and then a bag of strawberry milk-flavored Oreos suddenly appears right in front of you and you’ve blown the whole darn day. Well, the Oreos and the Little Caesar’s pizza you picked up on the way home from work because you didn’t feel like cooking.

Did I just describe your day? No? Oh, right. I just described MY DAY! What was I thinking?! Scratch that… obviously I wasn’t.

I feel lousy right now. Not just emotionally. Physically too. My stomach is bloated and I feel really gassy. Is this TMI?

I think I’ll go read a few of your blogs to uplift my spirits and then sleep this off. Tomorrow is a new day!

Yeah! I lost 2.5 pounds! Not a bad way to restart. Now that I have my treadmill and will walk more often that number should keep going down. Maybe a little more quickly? I want to start doing some circuit training either this week or next, at the latest. I need to go pick up some small hand weights and an exercise ball (note to self).

Also, I added a weight tracker to the sidebar. For now it’s just text but I’m looking for a Wordpress plugin that tracks charts, etc. I’ve tried a couple but haven’t really been happy with them. Anyone have any suggestions?

Have a good week!

I normally have a hard time staying motivated about anything. I’m a natural-born procrastinator and, therefore, have learned to use my time most wisely when I have very little of it. The rest of the time, not so wisely.

It’s that being consistent and patient that eventually wears me down and has me giving up for a while, only to, a short time later, be ready to go again.

I’m trying to retrain myself to take advantage of the time I have and not feel it necessary to wait until the last minute and then rush to get things done. I’m talking about weight loss and even my work. It’s a process with ups and downs but I’m also trying to teach myself that that’s okay. It may be annoying and frustrating, but everything that goes with the process of making myself become a better person? It’s all okay.

So it was timely when I opened my email this morning and read the newsletter from Jillian Michaels.

All or Nothing
If you haven’t already, it’s definitely time to kill the all-or-nothing attitude. One great way to do that is to get real regarding setbacks. We are all bound to have lapses on the road to health and wellness, but it is critical that we learn how to handle small failures positively so that we can minimize their long-term destructive effects. One setback is one setback — it’s not the end of the world, nor is it the end of your journey toward a better you!

The daily newsletters I’ve signed up for have been more help to me that I had thought possible. If I could give advice to anyone else it would be to sign up for newsletters. Whether they’re daily healthy recipes or get up off your butt motivators or even inspirational quotes, they’ll get you thinking positively. And that will start your entire day off right!

Some newsletters I find quite lovely:

• Jillian Michaels
• SparkPeople
• One More Bite
• Food Fit

If anyone has any others they like please share them. I’d love to be introduced to new ones!

I forgot to mention that I’ve been working on a new design for the blog! Actually, before it’s over I imagine I’ll have a couple of different themes done to choose from. I’m a little ADD about that. Hopefully I’ll stick with one theme and not feel like I need to change it too often. I keep thinking about recreating the look I had when I was at Life Blooms. I don’t think I will though. When I started over, I started over.

Anyway, when I’m testing the new look it’s supposed to keep everything intact the way it is now so that you won’t see any changes or goof ups while I’m messing about. I can only trust that it actually does work. Hopefully there won’t be any problems!